The journey of finding happiness…
This year I’ve started this journey of finding more happiness in my life. Maybe it sounds silly but finding what makes me happy is something I’ve struggled with in the past. Especially after coming out of the pandemic, where so many easy fun things that we probably took for granted were taken away, I’ve felt pushed to bring more and more happiness into my life. So I’m on a journey to discover what does happiness look like for me and how can I have more of it in my life? Not only discovering what makes me happy but acting on it and doing the things!
Admittedly, I’m at the very beginning of my journey of cultivating my own happiness and putting myself first so I’m sure there will be lots to learn and share going forward.
Although I’ve always been someone to want to discover my own passions and set healthy boundaries for saying “no” to others in order to take care of myself – at my core, my needs have always come second to the people I care about.
I understand how to take care of myself (diet, exercise, time in nature, family time, etc.) but I struggle with balancing my needs against the needs of others. So my goal here is to learn how to strike a better balance, to not forget about myself and to have some fun learning about what makes me happy! I think the better you get at this practice, the sweeter and more balanced your life will become and the better you can show up and offer high quality support to the people you care about.
Crisis can be a catalyst for change.
I recently learned this new word which I’ve never heard before that really resonated with me, called Compassion Fatigue. For me, it relates to personal relationships but it’s often used in the context of health care workers who regularly offer their compassion as part of their job.
Compassion Fatigue:
Is a term that describes the physical, emotional, and psychological impact of helping others — often through experiences of stress or trauma. Compassion fatigue is often mistaken for burnout, which is a cumulative sense of fatigue or dissatisfaction.
While burnout is one part of this form of fatigue, the term compassion fatigue encompasses a more specific experience, which may be brought about by a stressful workplace or environment, lack of resources, or excessive hours.
In my case, I was extending beyond what would be a healthy means for me and I was not taking care of my own needs enough.
Self-Lesson: the person who needs my care the most, is me. And if I can’t show up for myself, then I’ll never be able to fully show up for anyone else who may need me. And if I really enjoy being of service to others, I won’t be able to give my all to others if I’m not first taken care of.
This is something that I already know but in light of recent events where I abandoned myself for another, I feel like this lesson is jumping and yelling at me to PAY ATTENTION!!
I think the crisis I went through was a catalyst for me to wake up, and start making changes for how I prioritize myself. So here we are… I’m listening now and open to finding that happiness for myself.
Disclaimer, I don’t have children so I can’t speak to the dynamic of always putting your kids first but I’m sure some of my self-care and self-love lessons could apply to moms as well.
Self-Care Yourself!
I usually like to offer some practical tips but I feel like I’m just learning this more deeply myself. I think it’s okay to not have it all figured out as long as you’re trying and taking steps each day to better yourself in whatever area needs your attention right now.
Just off the top of my head, I can think of a few ways that I like to self-care and I’m hoping I’ll learn more things as I go. I think as long as I’m aware of this need in my life and I’m trying to act on it, then new things will reveal themselves to me that I’ve maybe never thought of before.
Where to start… well I’m gonna start with doing things that make me happy and make me feel good! 😊
Feeling Pampered
I love a good nail salon or hair apt moment. But also, just showing up for myself on the daily. Sweatpants and hair tied vs. putting in a little effort.
Looking nice and feeling pampered helps because if I look good, then I feel good – and so starts a positive loop cycle. I can show up better because I feel more confident and it makes me want to keep doing what I’m doing.
Scheduling Me-Time
Note, this is not just free time at home, where I will likely find a job to do like cleaning or cooking. I mean specific time where I go somewhere and do something that just makes me happy and helps me feel better.
One thing that I enjoy is waking a little earlier before work and going to the pond by house to sit in silence with nature. I look forward to this time, it’s supportive and it’s a time that I intentionally set aside for myself. It doesn’t involve anyone else, it’s just me-time for me.
It makes me feel good to know that I’m scheduling time just for me because I feel like I’m put myself first. It makes me feel like I have more balance for giving to myself, rather than just always giving to others.
This would be similar to going for an evening walk or watching the sunset from your deck. Consistency can support this activity, especially if it’s a free activity – the more you do it, the more you can look forward to that me-time.
Professional Help
It’s so easy (too easy) to say, “I’ll get through this, I just need to stick this out a little longer, I’ll be fine, I can handle this” – and to just keep trucking along down a hard path that might just be getting harder and harder. So putting aside the time to schedule an apt with a counsellor feels very self-loving. It feels like I’m going to put some effort and attention into my mental health in a way that can support me right now and solve hard problems faster. I’m prioritizing my well-being and saying, no this is not okay and I need to help myself now.
For example, when I’m feeling sluggish and out of shape (perhaps right after the holidays), I will start working out and eating better because I know it’s going to make me feel better – to me it feels first nature to take action when my physical health is suffering. I’ll tell myself, “Today I’m gonna go for a jog and I know it’s going to make me feel a little better and I’m just gonna go do it.”
But when I’m sad or dealing with a stressful situation, my first thought is not, “I’m going to work on this.” It does not feel first nature to seek out help or take action when my mental health is suffering. My first thought is, “I’ll stick this out until something external happens that improves my life.” And if things do improve on their own, it’s usually a slower path when I could be seeking something to help myself now when I need it. I don’t know why that is, maybe physical health decline is more obvious and mental health is more subtle and requires you to pay more attention to how it’s doing. But either way, I think seeking help (in whatever form that may be best for you) can support regular life maintenance as well as dealing with hard seasons.
Feel free to follow along my journey and I would love to hear some of your favourite ways to show up for yourself! Wishing you all the happiness this week. xox
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